tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73312705085200812222024-02-19T07:14:03.049-08:00Hemophilia is for GirlsA blog all about raising awareness for Women with Bleeding disorders.
I am a severe factor 5 Hemophiliac living in Calgary, Alberta, Canada and this is a blog about my life!Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.comBlogger311125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-62179744891128878732023-03-23T11:44:00.001-07:002023-03-23T11:44:24.555-07:00Lurley Vondell Scott <form action="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" method="post">So, I was gonna log in and tell you about how I had a hip bleed in December, January, February and March and how Im going for a CT scan on Tuesday. But quietly and peacefully my sweet grandmother, Lurley passed away on March 15th, 2023. <br />She was 95 years old and I saw her just a few weeks ago when Zane and I went to Corner Brook for a little visit. <br />I am so sad that she is gone. She was such a gentle soul. A very bright light in the world. I first met Mrs. Johnson ( she was a school teacher so we all called her Mrs. Johnson) I was only in grade 4. She treated like gold right from day one. Her and Stan had the cutest little house on York avenue and every special occasion we would all go over and have dinner together. She made the most delicious food and desserts. Some of my fondest memories are going over for Christmas dinner and then falling asleep on the couch to the sound of her, stan, charlie and mom chatting. They are all gone now and it feels kind of apocalyptic. Its weird being one of the last ones left. I feel so sad and my garage is collecting more and more boxes of things that I just can't bear to part with from them. I took a few days off last week to plan the funeral. I tried to use readings and hymns that I thought she would like. I have a few photos of her to display at the service and I tried to write her a nice obituary. Feels like such a small thing to do for a woman who has had such a huge impact on my life. Its a big task to try and honor the dead. Over the past few years it feels like a full time job with all the loss we have experienced. I will remember the good times and try to pass the kindness on to the next generation. <br /><br /><br /></form><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwdp2_hj9zVZmMAfT95mnubwohsGYdEJmkTGgxSWnQ_6HBr7Vi74LQqB-LVIs0ZMv19h0qRmyjkYw0F-N04uhUPZ4ccboJH7EGwqHz-p-DoCFoZ4VTg519tz_uCWUY-h-DnKenpmpfMruy3Y-5lwOWXyJUaQujS75FSD7ua36xeDebUmW1cS-oNoHSUA/s640/Lurley%20Johnson.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="295" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwdp2_hj9zVZmMAfT95mnubwohsGYdEJmkTGgxSWnQ_6HBr7Vi74LQqB-LVIs0ZMv19h0qRmyjkYw0F-N04uhUPZ4ccboJH7EGwqHz-p-DoCFoZ4VTg519tz_uCWUY-h-DnKenpmpfMruy3Y-5lwOWXyJUaQujS75FSD7ua36xeDebUmW1cS-oNoHSUA/s320/Lurley%20Johnson.png" width="148" /></a></div><br />Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-265210795564243492023-01-03T06:51:00.000-08:002023-01-03T06:51:11.667-08:00and its Christmas all over again Ah Christmas, a time to rest and relax and rejuvenate yourself for the hard winter ahead. This year my body decided to just break all the way down and I found myself being sick in one way or another from December 23rd to today, January 3rd. <div>It all started with a urinary tract infection a few days before I was finished work. This infection progressed into a kidney infection and I found myself throwing up in a friends bathroom after a dinner party.</div><div>I had one day on December 27th where the infection was gone. However, the next day I had a hip bleed and went into emergency for a blood transfusion.</div><div>The icing on top of course was the sadness I felt about not having my mom around for Christmas. </div><div>I am now back to work, tired, sad and bitter that Christmas break went so awry. However, there is not one damn thing I can do about it so Im just trying to grin and bear it. </div><div>This poem really summed up how I have been feeling. </div><div><br /></div><div><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #717376; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: maroon; font-family: georgia, palatino, serif; font-size: 14pt;">The Music Crept By Us<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />from Flowers For Hitler by Leonard Cohen</span></strong></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #717376; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: maroon; font-family: georgia, palatino, serif; font-size: 14pt;">I would like to remind</span></em></strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: maroon; font-family: georgia, palatino, serif; font-size: 14pt;">the management</span></em></strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: maroon; font-family: georgia, palatino, serif; font-size: 14pt;">that the drinks are watered</span></em></strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: maroon; font-family: georgia, palatino, serif; font-size: 14pt;">and the hat-check girl</span></em></strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: maroon; font-family: georgia, palatino, serif; font-size: 14pt;">has syphilis</span></em></strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: maroon; font-family: georgia, palatino, serif; font-size: 14pt;">and the band is composed</span></em></strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: maroon; font-family: georgia, palatino, serif; font-size: 14pt;">of former SS monsters</span></em></strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: maroon; font-family: georgia, palatino, serif; font-size: 14pt;">However since it is</span></em></strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: maroon; font-family: georgia, palatino, serif; font-size: 14pt;">New Year’s Eve</span></em></strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: maroon; font-family: georgia, palatino, serif; font-size: 14pt;">and I have lip cancer</span></em></strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: maroon; font-family: georgia, palatino, serif; font-size: 14pt;">I will place my</span></em></strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: maroon; font-family: georgia, palatino, serif; font-size: 14pt;">paper hat on my</span></em></strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: maroon; font-family: georgia, palatino, serif; font-size: 14pt;">concussion and dance</span></em></strong></p></div>Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-60320373233185604222022-10-07T07:13:00.000-07:002022-10-07T07:13:29.911-07:00Grief<form action="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" method="post">So, its been 5 months since my mom has passed away. I find myself being grateful that I had her as long as I did and I am thankful she isn't suffering anymore. However, when I think of her I often think of how sick she was. In my mind she was perfectly healthy until she turned about 60 and then she fell and broke her hip and then everything started to go down hill from there. Its scary, growing older. It must of been so scary for her lose her mobility bit by bit. I am ok most of the time, work as been a fantastic distraction but sometimes I'll come across something that reminds me of her and it cuts into my heart. <br />Grief is a beast and I feel like I am still grieving the loss of my Father in March 2020. I am dreading the holidays. This weekend is Thanksgiving and when I lived in Calgary we always went to my fathers house. He would de bone a turkey and roll it in dressing and I would bring my famous hashbrown caserole. The past two years I made a turkey for all of us at Moms house. We would prop her up at the table and enjoy a meal together. This year it will just be Zane and I which is fine with me but sometimes when the day actually arrives you can't help but think about what you've lost. <br />So I'll carry on this Thanksgiving without my parents, maybe I'll make a turkey dinner for Zane and I, maybe I'll bawl and just throw on a pizza. <br /><br /><br /></form>Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-64376281971865238542022-07-12T10:40:00.003-07:002022-07-12T10:40:26.699-07:00Camp Blast<form action="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" method="post">So, Zane and I recently went to Hemophilia Camp here in Newfoundland. It was a wonderful weekend. I was anxious going into it not really knowing what to expect, still grieving, but everyone was so kind and welcoming I couldn't help but enjoy myself. <br />The kids were also so sweet and thoughtful, making sure everyone was included in their games, taking turns with the Marshmallow roasting sticks. I've been involved with the Canadian Hemophilia Society since 2009 but never with the Newfound<br />land chapter. I have to say they are a great group of people and I am glad I went out of my comfort zone and went! I also accepted a position on the board as Communications Coordinator. <br />When I got home from camp I found myself wondering why my parents didn't take me to camp when I was younger, and then I thought about how they aren't around anymore for me to ask them and it was a very strange feeling. It still shocks me sometimes how they are both gone and what my life looks like moving forward without them. <br />Despite missing them I am happy and healthy for the moment and grateful for my weekend at camp!<br /><br /><br /></form>Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-6672731569136509552022-06-16T04:32:00.000-07:002022-06-16T04:32:58.254-07:00MommaSo, its been 5 weeks without my Mom. Its still so hard to adjust to. When I make soup, I think oh I have to get a container now and bring some down to her. When I drive by her street I always think to pull in and have a visit. Things may never go back to normal but I am finding myself more grateful lately. Grateful for the time I did have with her, grateful for all the lessons she taught me and grateful for all of our friends and family who helped us through a terrible time. <div>I had an iron infusion last week as my iron was down to single digits and Monday I had an ultrasound. It was the first medical things I ever had completed without my mom by my side or at least the ability to call and complain to her afterwards.</div><div>I am trying to focus on the future. I've been planning things for myself to look forward to while still trying to give myself space to grieve. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-39416013846943591792022-05-18T17:48:00.000-07:002022-05-18T17:48:55.452-07:00True Grit <form action="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" method="post">My precious mother passed away on Wednesday May 11th, 2022. I thought about that day many times. Ever since she first started exhibiting signs of what we would later discover was parkinsons disease. <br />Mom was sick for many years. It was heartbreaking to see her faculties fail her one by one. When she first passed away I was grateful <img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="https://www.paypal.com/en_US/i/scr/pixel.gif" width="1" />that her suffering had finally ended. I thought about how happy she would be up there with Charlie, her brothers and her mom and dad. Over the past few days I started collecting pictures for her wake. Thats when all the memories started flooding back and I found myself crying and wishing for another day with her. Mom was so many things, a great daughter, a loving sister, a caring friend and an amazing Momma. There are so many things I could say about her, she was vibrant, she was fun she was voted most popular in high school and was the captain of the cheer leaders. She was absolutely beautiful and people were drawn to her. To me, the most remarkable thing about my mother was her grit and determination. If she put something in her mind, that was it. It was gonna happen no matter what. <br />A story that comes to mind is when I was 7 months old and I was diagnosed with Severe Factor 5 Hemophilia. The doctors told her I wouldn't live a normal life and they said I most likely wouldn't live to be 18 years old. Mom took me home and loved me and treated me like I was the best child she could of ever wished for. She gave me courage to live life. <br />Another story that comes to mind is when I was 12 years old I had internal bleeding and I was very sick. I was flown air ambulance to the children's hospital. The doctors approached mom and tried to prepare her for the worst. The funny thing is mom wasn't having it. I was gonna survive and everything was gonna be fine and that's just the way it was going to be. She wouldn't even listen to anything else.<br />Now I only have 1 week of living without my mom and as hard as it has been I know she would want me to be happy and joyful. She would want me to live life the the fullest just like she did.<br /><br /></form><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMeKL2Xp7VhJPwA4xpd_54NMj6VZrPQBpRzmQKpxhaPNej29x5VFdLQxnqbuOztWcetfjI_ULlws0IGG98KRBYAq1-EFgcfOb9DiuS_jTv0o0v8snNQj20COGWQqh2uCDTRLg6uV_Aokr6_WVKcU3488fwpokorxwb6wIs_LPfkB_BMJvbVST-VM_mqQ/s640/Mom.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="295" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMeKL2Xp7VhJPwA4xpd_54NMj6VZrPQBpRzmQKpxhaPNej29x5VFdLQxnqbuOztWcetfjI_ULlws0IGG98KRBYAq1-EFgcfOb9DiuS_jTv0o0v8snNQj20COGWQqh2uCDTRLg6uV_Aokr6_WVKcU3488fwpokorxwb6wIs_LPfkB_BMJvbVST-VM_mqQ/s320/Mom.png" width="148" /></a></div><br />Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-69676196132689810312022-03-15T11:14:00.003-07:002022-03-15T11:17:48.223-07:00Bay St. George Sick Children's FoundationSo, it's the 25th Anniversary of the Bay St. George Sick Children's Foundation. This wonderful organization provides financial support to families who have to travel out of the area for medical care. This foundation was formed 25 years ago after a group of volunteers organized a fundraiser for me. <div>The fundraiser was held on March 10th, 1997 at the Stephenville High School gym. They raised $4,100.</div><div>I was in the Janeway for almost a full year and my mom stayed at hostel across the street. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhYTxcrV6RMAiJ6EM1z4l2HmqjcLjKJwYtpBxTVjrftpe1hboI0povfZ5HEA46ZLGVKcoPV2rqwrkMO_GSVaUN17cpjJXnsYDCmUXRjkFIX_8Fje7Bs56nxoLohzGd_dchBHhaYWuij5ilWSfg95zd0P0VjVs9T6IgY4zroa3_o1yV3QTxW5miPILqliw=s640" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhYTxcrV6RMAiJ6EM1z4l2HmqjcLjKJwYtpBxTVjrftpe1hboI0povfZ5HEA46ZLGVKcoPV2rqwrkMO_GSVaUN17cpjJXnsYDCmUXRjkFIX_8Fje7Bs56nxoLohzGd_dchBHhaYWuij5ilWSfg95zd0P0VjVs9T6IgY4zroa3_o1yV3QTxW5miPILqliw=s320" width="240" /></a></div></div><div>I wasn't able to attend the event as I was still in the hospital but someone recorded it for me. I was overwhelmed then and I am now, 25 years later still blown away with the kindness and generosity of people in this area.</div><div>When I finally returned home from the Janeway people dropped off food and gifts and cards and some people told me how much they prayed for me. </div><div>I will never forget the love my family and I received from this beautiful little town. </div><div>If you can please donate to the Bay St. George Sick Children's Foundation. </div><div><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhrK9UjvYkbZ4pwJY2NdbEPbGHrWDYYdCdUNdA0fioC5hBb2IN4-9xeTnJ0i6ZzOfGtOVrd4tcs3NXUkrBv3mEYOFyN9VJomkzAZnqC-G1HPaiR2CSejzo1oDwiXMGHI_zoRMD7z5ZsSGlgyaXFq8h-eLY-Q7hnPX49slh_e6f5TDW4yIODlcvKTjSqiw=s1592" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1592" data-original-width="1170" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhrK9UjvYkbZ4pwJY2NdbEPbGHrWDYYdCdUNdA0fioC5hBb2IN4-9xeTnJ0i6ZzOfGtOVrd4tcs3NXUkrBv3mEYOFyN9VJomkzAZnqC-G1HPaiR2CSejzo1oDwiXMGHI_zoRMD7z5ZsSGlgyaXFq8h-eLY-Q7hnPX49slh_e6f5TDW4yIODlcvKTjSqiw=s320" width="235" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-78008493664525038032021-02-13T10:43:00.000-08:002021-02-13T10:43:19.412-08:00Upside DownSo life has changed so much over the past year. This post will just seem like a list of terrible things and while I know its important to focus on the positives I just have to tell you about the part year just to get it out.<div>Ok it all started in June 2019 our dog Jade had a collapsed trachea we thought we were going to lose her and after three weeks or worrying about her and $2000 later she started to come around. </div><div>In July 2019 our house was broken into while we were asleep. It was so terrible to wake up in the middle of the night and realize that your house has been broken into and some of your most prized possessions were stolen. </div><div>In August 2019 I had to get a blood transfusion and Iron infusion for on going GI bleeding. </div><div>In September Zane was admitted to the hospital with extreme back pain. </div><div>October I was admitted for a blood transfusion and double balloon endoscopy to try to get to the root of the GI bleeding. </div><div>November I was treated with plasma and Iron to try and bring my levels up from all the blood loss. </div><div>December I was again treated with Plasma and Iron to bring my levels up.</div><div>In January my precious Nanny had a stroke and was admitted to the hospital. </div><div>In February my angel Nanny passed away. </div><div>In March my best friend was diagnosed with cancer and my father passed away unexpectedly. March also brought lots of cases of Covid, the world shut down and Zane and I were both laid of from our jobs of 13 and 4 years. </div><div>So fast forward to now Zane and I moved to Newfoundland with our two amazing pups. We are surrounded by family and friends and overall much happier. </div><div>Its been a crazy year and things continue to be unsure as Covid has has come to Newfoundland including a new Variant. I pray everyone is happy and healthy and able to find the silver linings! </div>Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-38824954635194631432020-05-17T15:29:00.001-07:002020-05-17T15:29:48.726-07:00Je T'aime Papa <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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So, when I was in Kindergarten our project for Fathers Day was to make a T Shirt for our Dads. I drew a picture of my Dad and our teacher put it on a white T shirt to bring home. I don't completely remember making the shirt because I was so young but it meant a lot to my Dad.<br />
Years later when I was in the Childrens Hospital my Dad flew down from Alberta to see me. When he walked through my room door he had on his Je T'aime Papa T Shirt on and we all laughed. It was so nice to have him around during such a difficult time and the fact that he hung on to that T Shirt for all those years was so touching.<br />
My Dad passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on March 27th, 2020.<br />
I now have the t shirt in my house and I will always cherish it. It reminds be of my father and his amazing sense of humor.<br />
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-43834164406278390242020-03-24T14:58:00.002-07:002020-03-24T14:58:38.260-07:00Love in the time of Covid-19<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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So, We are in the middle of a global pandemic. There are no way to fully comprehend the amount of pain and grief the world is experiencing right now.<br />
In Canada, we are lucky to have free health care most people are social distancing and settling into a new normal.<br />
In my own home I have been laid off work and Zane is blessed to be able to work from home.<br />
From a chronic illness standpoint I am concerned that if i get a bleed, I will put more stress on an already maxed out health care system. I am also worried about having to go to the hospital in general and being exposed to potential illness there. I am also concerned because my Hemophilia Clinic is currently closed so I am unable to get in contact with anyone there. At the moment I am happy and healthy so I am praying it'll stay that way until this virus passes.<br />
I will say when it comes to a epidemic, people with chronic illness might be the best equipped. For example, dealing with the loss of a job, over the years due to my illness I have been laid off, fired and made to feel so uncomfortable that I just quit. This is not something that is necessarily new for me. I have been where you are, wondering what my next move will be and thankfully have always found something even if it involved mixing paint or having funeral for a rabbit (long story).<br />
I've also spent a lot of time worrying about my health so if you are in that boat I am right there with you! There have been times in my life where I was sick, where I was near death and times where I thought maybe I just won't make it this time. Worrying is not helpful and it doesn't get you anywhere but sometimes its just impossible not to.<br />
My only recommendation is to grin and bear it. I hate that advice but sometimes we just have to try and be positive until our situation changes.<br />
In the meantime occupy your time with things you enjoy if you can like reading, watching a movie or cooking.<br />
Since this whole thing has started most people have been scared but also so caring and kind. You will notice in the dark times there are always people reaching out asking if you need help or need to talk.<br />
Lean on the people in your life and don't be afraid to ask for help. I learned a long time ago that it takes great strength to ask for help and most people are happy to do it.<br />
In the meantime, if you need me I will be in my kitchen peeling, chopping and freezing bananas as I accidentally ordered 7 bunches of Bananas instead of just 7.<br />
Take care of yourself, your loved ones and hang in there!<br />
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-41026530661991573202020-02-11T14:48:00.001-08:002020-02-11T14:48:11.685-08:00Nanny<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I breaks my heart to say but my precious Nanny Priddle passed away yesterday. She was 91 and she passed away peacefully in her sleep with her family by her side.<br />
When I first heard that Nanny was sick it broke my heart. I was scared and worried about her and I was worried about how the world would look for all of her family if she died.<br />
However, when I got the call yesterday to say that she has passed I couldn't help but feel blessed and happy and at peace with everything.<br />
You can't help but feel that was when you look back at how many people loved her and how she got to watch her little family grow and grow over the years.<br />
Nanny was about 55 years old by the time I came around. I was a fat, little demanding baby and from the time I was born Nanny was a huge part of my life.<br />
You see when you have a child with a chronic illness it takes a lot of people around to make it work.<br />
Nanny treated me like any other of her grandkids, she didn't act fearful when she babysat me and she never seemed alarmed when she would come and visit me in the hospital. Even when there was probably great cause to be alarmed.<br />
Nanny took me under he wing and seemed to know how to care for me even though my illness was new to the family and rare and severe.<br />
When I would have a bleed she would wrap my ankles up in hot towels to ease my pain. When I couldn't sleep she would sing to me, these old lullabys that I had never heard of but they were so soothing.<br />
We were blessed to all live in the same town and every Christmas, new years, Easter, thanksgiving and milestone birthdays we would all gather at nans house. Everyone was welcome and her and Poppy would cook these large meals. She loved hosting everyone and didn't mind if you brought a friend or neighbor.<br />
The last time I saw Nanny was when we were all home for her 90th birthday. I thought she would live to be 100.<br />
Nanny had a seemingly endless supply of love and care for people. She has 13 grandchildren and Im sure if you asked each one of them they would say they were her favorite! She had a way of making us all feel special just the way were are!<br />
I am sad that I can't see her anymore and I am sad for all of my family as we all loved her so dearly but ultimately I am thankful that we got to have this fantastic woman in our lives for as long as we did.<br />
As most of my family and friends know, Zane and I are in the process of adopting a child. It is a long drawn out, terrible process but thinking of my Nanny gives me strength to carry on and the confidence to know that even if I am 10% of the wife and mother and grandmother she was I'll be doing alright.<br />
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-53583336119390987792019-11-28T15:28:00.001-08:002019-11-28T15:28:08.846-08:00Patient Perspective Presentation<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So, I had the honor of speaking to the group of nurses today at the South hospital here in Calgary. <div>
It was so nice to speak to them and share my crazy medical history.</div>
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Anyway I had to do a lot of writing and a lot of talking so I thought today I would just show you some pictures of my life along the way!</div>
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-83169619516528871842019-11-13T10:39:00.002-08:002019-11-13T10:48:46.230-08:00When it rains it pours<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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So, I left work on Friday a bit early because I was so sick with a cold. By the time I woke up on Saturday Zane and I were so sick. We were coughing and sneezing and achy it was awful.<br />
Around Monday Zane started to feel better but I woke up with such a sore chest, i thought I slept funny or maybe it was just sore from all the coughing.<br />
As the day wore on I could not take the pain. I took some painkillers but over time they became less and less effective.<br />
I decided to go into the emergency room on Tuesday morning. I called my Hemophilia Clinic and they said the best thing to do would be go to Emergency.<br />
So I'm writing this to try and convey how brutal having a illness can be its not the pain, its not getting an IV its not even the time wasted necessarily its the trying to convince doctors you need treatment.<br />
Ok so when you walk into Foothills Emergency you have to line up to see Triage so I stood there for a while but the pain was just too bad so I sat in a chair just off to the side while I waited.<br />
When it was my turn the nurse said why couldn't you just stand there? And I find that so strange like why does it matter to the operation of this hospital if I sit or stand? And it bothers you that much that you have to confront me about it? Anyways moving on, we see the emergency doctor and right away hes dismissing me. He orders an X ray, Ultrasound and EKG, they all come back normal which I knew they would because I have a bleed in the muscles of my chest wall I didn't think for a second my heart was involved.<br />
They then park me in a wheelchair in the middle of the hallway for about two hours. The doctor comes over and says I am free to go so I say to him look I have a bleeding disorder I need plasma. He calls the Hematologist on call and they also say I can go home so he comes back and says I can leave. We explain to him that again I need blood I know what a bleed feels like this is a bleed.<br />
Its so infuriating to have to fight for treatment every. single. time.<br />
I eventually got my plasma and Zane and finally got to go home after 9 hours.<br />
I use to have a treatment room in the Hemophilia Clinic where they could treat me but it no longer exists. The place for me is not in emergency but there is no where else for me to go.<br />
Its very frustrating being rare and having this illness but having to fight for treatment on top of it is too much.<br />
I am so thankful Zane was able to take the day off and come with me and fight with me. Sometimes it feels like im going crazy and its nice to have someone to hold onto in the chaos.<br />
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-48577063147327792222019-11-11T13:00:00.001-08:002019-11-11T13:00:57.023-08:00Miss Jade <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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So, Ive been on a roll lately with blogging so I thought I would tell you about June. I already wrote about the robbery in July. So here is what happened the month before.<br />
We have had Jade our little Chiuaua mix for about 7 years. She was my brother in law Blazes dog, then when he moved out she was Della, Zanes moms dog. When Della moved into the hospice in Okotoks she asked that Jade be brought down here to Calgary to stay with us.<br />
Poor little Jadey cried and cried the first few days she was with us. I honestly didn't think it was going to work out. Over time she grew very attached to Lily and eventually me and Zane. Now she is my girl. She waits for me at the door when I get in the shower and she follows me all around the house. One night she started coughing and even woke Zane and I up a few times. She had done this before and I had taken her to the vet about it. He said that she just has a small esophagus and not to worry about it so when it started again I assumed it was that or maybe kennel cough or something.<br />
Zane and i decided to bring her to the vet hospital and by the time i got her in the door she was hyperventilating the nurse grabbed her out of my arms and took her in the back. I knew that couldn't be good but I was trying to stay positive.<br />
A little while later the vet came out and took us to a private room. She said that Jade has a collapsed trachea and that we may have to put her down.<br />
I tried to stay calm as I discussed the options with the vet but eventually I just broke down. I couldn't picture not having our little girl with us especially since she was only about 7 or 8 years old.<br />
We decided we wanted to try and save her so the vet said they would put her on meds and oxygen and see if they could get her airway to open up more. They told us to come in the back and say goodbye.<br />
We walked in the back of the hospital and saw our little Jadey in an incubator she was lying down and breathing very heavily. As soon as she saw me her tail started to wag and tried to get up.<br />
I can't write much more about it because I will start to cry again and not be able to stop.<br />
Anyway Zane and I said goodbye and went home and waited and waited for 12 hours!<br />
At around 9 pm at night the Vet called and Said Jade was improving and we could take her home. It was honestly the happiest call i ever got. we picked her up and kept a close eye on her. She improved bit by bit and today she is doing great!<br />
After everything that happened this summer with me being sick and everything I can honestly Jade being sick was the worst. I felt so helpless.<br />
I am so happy to say she is doing well and we are curled up still watching Christmas movies, still sick with the flu but happy to be all together!<br />
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-72433514207103769572019-11-10T16:18:00.000-08:002019-11-10T16:18:36.703-08:00Aftermath<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So, after the dust settled, Zane and I realized that they had stolen our TV, two laptops, my purse, Zane's wallet, his shoes and all of our keys. We were still in shock but had to quickly start the process of having our locks changed, contacting our insurance company and all of that fun stuff. <div>
Our family and friends were very supportive my Dad came over right away and helped me make notes and keep track of everything.</div>
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Our friends brought over food and were very supportive. </div>
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My bff Cheryl even paid for our supper as the robbery took place two days before our wedding anniversary. She is always there when I need her and she continues to be my friend through this crazy journey of having a chronic illness even though sometimes I am not easy to be friends with.</div>
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Anyways, We were robbed on Thursday and then the following Monday I went for a Capsule Endoscopy because of course your illness can't stop even for a robbery, so my Dad took me to the hospital and I swallowed this really big camera shaped like a pill. I had to wear a recorder on my waist and my nurse said she could see blood in my stomach before I even left the office. </div>
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This started a long and exhausting process of Gastrointestinal bleeding, plasma and IV iron. Lots of exhausted days, iv, weekly blood work and tests. </div>
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I will write all about that next. For now I am fighting the flu so I am hopped up on Cough medicine watching Christmas movies and cuddling with my pups!</div>
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I hope if you are reading this you are safe and happy and healthy. Thank you for reading!</div>
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-29404126528271159212019-11-06T19:15:00.000-08:002019-11-06T19:15:26.765-08:00The not so friendly invasion <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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So, In July, two days before our wedding anniversary, Zane and I were sound asleep.<br />
Earlier in the evening we had hail it woke me up and I came downstairs and Zane and I stood in our back doorway and stared out at the patio. We watched the hail come down and beat up my flowers. We talked for a bit and i went back to bed. At around 3 am we heard a loud crash sound, the dogs started to bark and we both woke up. I looked at my phone and got out of bed. I went back in the bedroom and told Zane I was going downstairs. When I came downstairs the front door was wide open and both dogs had ran out the door I was so confused a few seconds later Zane came down and said Ryanne, the TV is gone. That's when it hit me that we were robbed.<br />
I went to the knife block and grabbed the biggest knife we have. And then I called 911.<br />
The rest is a blur I mean its all a blur really.<br />
I felt very violated and very scared. I felt like I was never going to sleep again.<br />
Immediately after my biggest concern was Lily. We called out to her but she wouldn't come back and I worried the robbers would kick her or run her over or something I mean I still didn't fully know what was happening.<br />
At this point we still didn't know if anyone was in the house as we have a basement and a detached garage. The police arrived 14 minutes later and I must say the 911 operator was so helpful.<br />
Anyways the main thing is we are happy and healthy and recovering and that isn't even the worse thing that happened to us this summer! Our poor little Jade got sick in June and it was just awful. I'll write more about that later. That's enough drama for one post!</form>
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-91882003111293769702019-05-26T08:21:00.002-07:002019-05-26T08:21:27.429-07:00A series of unfortunate events<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So I have had a nose bleed every day for the past seven days. Its not a big deal but its very annoying. At the moment I think I have an arm bleed. I think it happened last Sunday when I was trying to do some spring cleaning. I saw my family doctor about it on Wednesday and she sent me for an ultrasound. The ultrasound came back clear which is good in someways but bad because I am still in a lot of pain. I tried Celebrex to see if that would help and I tried cyclokapron and now I am on pain killers cause I just couldn't take the pain.<div>
Zane and I are going to emergency today and I just pray that they infuse me without too much fuss. </div>
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Thats honestly the worst part. Its not the pain, or missing work, or not sleeping or all the needles and the sitting in emergency for hours and hours. Its the dragging yourself to emergency in need of help and the doctors telling you to go home. So I am just hoping for a doctor that hooks me up!</div>
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Not a very exciting blog post but its the best I cant do for now. Keep me in your prayers please!</div>
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-68684046305439062242019-04-17T16:43:00.002-07:002019-04-17T16:43:43.336-07:00World Hemophilia Day 2019<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Happy World Hemophilia Day to all my bleeder friends!<br />
It's nice for us to have our own little day. Even though we have Hemophilia 24 hours a day, seven days a week.<br />
Today while I was at work my tooth started to hurt, its one of my wisdom teeth that I can't get taken out because of my bleeding disorder so I just put up with it.<br />
My knees hurt because I started going to the gym recently and a few times today when I got up to go to the printer I wondered if it was just muscle pain or if it would turn into a whole bleed situation.<br />
Those are just some of the small things that swirl around in my head all day.<br />
I like being at home with Zane and my dogs. I like spending time with my friends and family. The other day Zane and I went to the pool and we swam around in the lazy river and I find that in those little moments I forget about my illness, I forget about the pain and suffering and just enjoy myself.<br />
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Zane and I have been working towards something for the past two years actually it'll be three years in August. It is for sure the biggest thing we haven't taken on to date. Once I have all the details I will be blogging about it all day.<br />
Because at the end of the day, Hemophilia or no Hemophilia we have to follow our dreams and have hope.<br />
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We have to hope for less bleeds, hope for adequate care for everyone in the world and hope for more days laughing and swimming in the lazy river.<br />
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-12479934671499879952019-02-18T12:14:00.000-08:002019-02-18T12:14:15.119-08:00The Long and Winding Road<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, heres what has been going on with me. Back in November I started having black stools. I went to the doctor and my blood work showed my Iron and Hemoglobin had dropped. I went to the emergency room, waited 15 hours and got 4 units of Octaplasma. I thought that was the end of it. However, Christmas eve I woke up with strep throat, another visit to the doctor showed my hemoglobin had dropped again. I went back to emergency, waited 12 hours and got more octaplasma. This exact same scenario when on again in January and February. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So far I have had an EKG, Ultrasound and Endoscopy. Everything came back normal which is good but it does not explain why my levels keep dropping. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So to sum it up since November I have been feeling tired and out of breath. I am getting so tired of not feeling well but no one has a magic fix. What I think is happening is I am having a small bleed somewhere in my upper GI tract and its causing these drops in my levels so I continue on with my weekly blood work and pray they start to go up.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I am forever grateful to my amazing friends and family who lift my spirits while I try and get better!</span><br />
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-88259786096784306292019-01-13T15:36:00.001-08:002019-01-13T15:36:49.234-08:00A Rare Bird<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-size: large;">So, I woke up New Years Day to some terrible news. My darling Factor 5 friend Dudley passed away. She was 69 years old. I spoke to her husband and he told me the awful news. I tried to listen but I just felt like the floor was sinking underneath me and I lost my breath. </span><div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I first heard of Dudley about 23 years ago. My aunt found her online and thought she would be helpful for me. Dudley agreed to call me all the way from North Carolina. I remember the first time she ever called me I was in the Janeway hospital. I put on my robe and wheeled my IV pole to the little telephone room they had up the hall. She spoke so gently and sweet. I loved her southern accent and she answered all my questions. She taught me how to advocate for myself, how to stand up for myself even when when doctors or specialists made recommendations. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">She made me feel hopeful that I could live a normal, happy life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Dudley was the only person in the whole entire world who knew exactly what Factor 5 was like. We knew what each other had been threw without ever saying it out loud. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Over the years we emailed and called often and in September of 2013 I finally got to meet her face to face. Zane and I flew to Raleigh, North Carolina for a little honeymoon and Dudley drove up to meet us. We went for lunch at a little Irish Pub by our hotel. It was a beautiful, sunny day and we sat outside. Dudley and I both ordered the exact same thing and we laughed. She was so wonderful and so full of life. I loved her so much and she meant so much to me. I wish I could of told her how much she helped me but I think somehow she knew. </span></div>
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-22827311406575327642018-07-29T16:21:00.002-07:002018-07-29T16:21:49.135-07:00Summer Skin<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So, I've been a terrible blogger over the summer. But I had a recent hospital visit so I thought I would fill you in on that. I started having blood in my urine about a week ago. I went to my family doctor and he suspected a urinary tract infection so I started a course of antibiotics. A week later I was still peeing blood so my Hemophilia Clinic advised me to go to the emergency room to get some plasma. <div>
I left work, came home and got my hospital bag and headed to the foothills hospital. The emergency room is always intense. There was a lady next to me in agony, she eventually yelled out that she was in labour and someone finally whisked her away in a wheel chair. There was another guy sitting there just shaking. His friend that he had with him looked so scared. I just sat there eating my muffin cause I let myself eat carbs when Im in the hospital so I take advantage of that a bit.</div>
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I eventually got hooked up and then set home 12 hours later. By the 3rd unit my urine had cleared up and I have been feeling much better ever since.</div>
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I have a picture of my urine it is completely red it looks like wine. I was going to post it but Zane said I should stop showing people pictures of my urine. </div>
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As far as bleeds go, that one was pretty uneventful so I feel lucky to have it over with.</div>
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In other exciting news Zane and I have booked a flight to Maui in October. The fun thing about having hemophilia is stressing about what will happen when you get a bleed in other places. I got in touch with the Hemophilia Clinic in Honolulu and they gave me some great advice. Zane and I are really looking forward to our trip. Now all I have to do is stress about losing weight and Im all set!</div>
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I hope you are all having a happy and healthy summer!! </div>
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-42540692583204142142018-06-05T11:50:00.001-07:002018-06-05T11:50:34.959-07:00201-266<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So, it was the Janeway Telethon the other day. The Janeway is the Childrens Hospital in St. John's, Newfoundland. They raised more that 3 million dollars for the hospital. Seeing the telethon all over facebook reminded me of the year and a half my mother and I spent it the Janeway. I always say my mother and I because she was by my side the whole time and I'm sure felt everything I was feeling. <div>
That time in my life was by far the worst time in my life. When I was younger I would always think about how hard it was for me but I never really realized how hard it was on my whole family. My dad flew out from Fort McMurray and spent months with me, my sister came out and stayed in the hospital bed next to me for a few weeks. My aunts and uncles drove 9 hours across the island to bring me teddy bears and toys. My friends called me and sent me get well cards I think every room in my room at the hospital was covered in cards and I had so many teddy bears we had to carry them out in garbage bags when I was finally released. I still have my hospital bracelet from that time and I still remember my Janeway number it was 201-266 and I was on unit 2B.</div>
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The telethon also made me think about the bad times. The first time I was admitted it was at night time. A sweet nurse came in and asked if I ever had morphine before. After 5 tries they got an IV in and they gave me morphine for the pain. I put my hand out and told my mom to hold my hand because I felt like I was floating up off the bed. The next day I couldn't pee, a side effect from the morphine so three nurses held me down while a lady named Jean inserted a catheter. To this day that was the worse procedure I ever had. Anyways, I was then admitted to the constant care room. There was an extra bed for mom and a little nurses desk right in my room. Someone was there 24/7 and I remember being in and out of consciousness. The next few weeks I was pumped with plasma, antibiotics, pain meds. I got x rays, CT Scans, an MRI and worst of all a barium enema. Barium is this thick white substance that taste like grated up chalk. If it wasn't being pumped into me then I was forced to drink it. One time mom felt so bad for me trying to choke it down she drank some of it for me just to get rid of it. </div>
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Somehow after all of that I survived. I lived to tell the tale of the wonderful nurses and doctors who cared for me and supported me and my family during that very difficult time. I am so grateful that Newfoundland has such a great hospital like the Janeway. </div>
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You can learn more or donate here http://janewayfoundation.nf.ca/ways-to-give/</div>
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-83601188829667659932018-04-18T18:24:00.000-07:002018-04-18T18:24:01.961-07:00Nanny<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So, My Nanny is turning 90 years old this month! My two sisters and I are travelling to Newfoundland to celebrate with her. I looked at several different stores but I still haven't been able to find a 90th Birthday Card. But that's the wonderful thing about my Nanny, she doesn't want a fuss made and she will appreciate just having her family around her. She isn't overly concerned with presents and gifts.<div>
I was lucky enough to grow up just 5 minutes away from Nanny. I actually lived with her for a whole year when my mom and dad first got a divorce. My nanny took over when my mom was working a lot. She cooked and cleaned for me and my sister. She taught us how to cook and took me to my first brownies meeting. My nanny has 5 children, 13 grandchildren and 12 great grandchildren but she always makes time for each one of us and makes us feel special.</div>
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Growing up I had a lot of health problems and my Nanny always had a way of making me feel better. For a sore throat she would make me honey, lemon and ginger tea. If I had a bleed she would let me have a sleepover with my cousin Sara and we would make our famous peanut butter and gum drop rice krispie squares. </div>
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Nanny had a special remedy for everything and always managed to make me feel better no matter what. She has been a huge source of strength for all of us. Each grandchild has their own special memories of her. My sister would love it when she would take her for chips and pop and they would sit by the ocean and snack and chat.</div>
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I always loved how cool and calm she would be when she visited me in the hospital. She would come in with a bag full of snacks and her navy blue coat on. She could poke her head in at the desk and find out which room I was in. I could always see her from across the hall and I would breathe a sign of relief when I saw her coming because I felt like everything would be ok.</div>
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I pray my Nanny has a great birthday. I hope she knows how loved she is and how grateful we are for her! Happy 90th Birthday Nanny!</div>
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-48935834792128910552018-04-05T20:44:00.001-07:002018-04-05T20:44:31.280-07:00Miracles from Heaven<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So, I was watching the movie Miracles from Heaven. It took me about 4 days to watch it because I had to turn it off and wait a day before I could start again. It really hit home for me and it broke my heart. The movie is about a little girl who gets sick and spends a lot of time in the hospital and the impact it has on the whole family. I spent a year in the Janeway Childrens Hospital when I was 12 years old. When I think about that time in my life I think about my mother. <div>
She had a way of being in the hospital with me and making it feel like it was normal. She didn't act like we were victims, or we were enduring hardships. She just complained about the hospital food and fell asleep in a big recliner next to me and made it seem like it was just another day. I never heard her complain about all the work she was missing, all the money it was costing her and all the time she had to spend sitting in a chair watching me cry in pain, watching me get sicker and sicker and watching doctors poke and prod at me every day.</div>
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I am grateful for that time in a small way because it showed me the absolute best side of my mother. She really rose to the occasion and couldn't of handled the situation any better. </div>
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I always think of the time mom and her best friend Gwen went out for supper and then they came to the hospital to say good night to me. Mom could tell I was a bit down so she asked me to go for a wheelchair ride. She pushed me around the old Janeway hospital until we got to a small play area. Mom parked my chair and started playing with some of the toys to entertain me. She crawled in this little play house and I finally smiled. We could hear footsteps coming down the hall so mom tried to get out but she was stuck in the little play house. We laughed so hard but mom still couldn't get out so she reached her hand out and closed the door until the people in the hallway passed. I can still picture her squeezed into that little play house trying not to laugh. I could blog all day about how wonderful my mom was to me. Shes not feeling well now and I feel so helpless. I wish I could cheer her up like she did for me all those years. </div>
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7331270508520081222.post-37211072653907471192018-02-19T14:18:00.001-08:002018-02-19T14:18:52.504-08:00Mental Health<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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So, I thought I would take some time today and write a post about depression. It is not my favorite subject to talk about but I feel like I have to. A friend of mine in the Hemophilia community recently committed suicide. I was in complete shock when I found out. I think it is important that people feel like they can talk about it. So here I am talking about it.<br />
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I was diagnosed with depression in my last year university I was about 22 years old. I found it hard to get out of bed and I stopped wanting to leave my room. Leading up to being diagnosed with depression I had endured years of being in an out of the hospital, thousands of blood transfusions and years in the hospital. So I don't think it was a surprise to doctors and family and friends when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.<br />
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I think a lot of people with chronic illness experience depression. Its hard being sick on an off, my illness is so unpredictable. I also hate the affect it has on the people who love me. They worry about me and it causes them stress and that causes me so much guilt. I often say I wish I could be sick in a vacuum. I wish I could just go to the hospital by myself come home and sleep it off without Zane having to take time off work, without my dad having to spend all day with my in the hospital and without my family and friends worrying about me.<br />
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The other annoying thing about depression is that the best thing to do is eat salads and exercise but when you are depressed all you want to do is eat ice cream and lie in bed. I don't know if the ordeal of having Hemophilia has caused me to be depressed or if they I would of had depression eventually anyway. I do know the two are not complimentary.<br />
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I also know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Medication, Self care, counselling, and the support of my husband, friends and family has helped me tremendously. If you are reading this and you are depressed, it does get better, there is help out there and I promise the sun will shine again eventually.<br />
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Ryannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05835908627985748333noreply@blogger.com11