Grief

So, its been 5 months since my mom has passed away. I find myself being grateful that I had her as long as I did and I am thankful she isn't suffering anymore. However, when I think of her I often think of how sick she was. In my mind she was perfectly healthy until she turned about 60 and then she fell and broke her hip and then everything started to go down hill from there. Its scary, growing older. It must of been so scary for her lose her mobility bit by bit. I am ok most of the time, work as been a fantastic distraction but sometimes I'll come across something that reminds me of her and it cuts into my heart. 
Grief is a beast and I feel like I am still grieving the loss of my Father in March 2020. I am dreading the holidays. This weekend is Thanksgiving and when I lived in Calgary we always went to my fathers house. He would de bone a turkey and roll it in dressing and I would bring my famous hashbrown caserole. The past two years I made a turkey for all of us at Moms house. We would prop her up at the table and enjoy a meal together. This year it will just be Zane and I which is fine with me but sometimes when the day actually arrives you can't help but think about what you've lost. 
So I'll carry on this Thanksgiving without my parents, maybe I'll make a turkey dinner for Zane and I, maybe I'll bawl and just throw on a pizza.