Friday, June 24, 2016

Top of the world

So, today Ive been listening to Top of the World by Patty Griffin. Its my favorite song in the whole world. Its also a very sad song. I've been feeling really sad lately and tired. Ive had my period for 6 weeks, my moms been in the hospital for 9 weeks and theres been a few other ups and downs for me and my family. I'm getting a bit stressed worrying about everything and ive found myself putting the milk in the cupboard and the olive oil in the fridge and all kinds of silly little things that I do when I am stressed. I wish I could take everyones aches and pains away and I wish I could fix everything but I just can't and Ive realized that worrying about it doesn't help either. Ive been trying to distract myself and keep busy Ive been walking the dogs and going to the gym. On a side note, I wish I was one of those people that lost weight when they got stressed but alas I am not, I am the type that gains weight.
Anyways, Im trying to stress less and trying to just have faith that everything will work out in due time.
In a a way I guess I am lucky that I have all these wonderful friends and family members to worry about. I am blessed that I have so many people that I love and when they hurt I hurt. I hope they know no matter how far away I am or how long its been since ive seen them they are always in my thoughts and prayers.
I don't have a picture of my entire family but here is a picture of me and my Priddle family at our wedding in 2013. 

Monday, May 30, 2016

Breathing a sigh of relief

So, today I had my chest X Ray and Doctors appointment with my pulmonary specialist. My X Ray showed that there are no more signs of Sarcoidosis in my lungs and my lymph nodes are no longer swollen. I am so happy to get this news because one of the last things I needed was another weird disease. 
I don't need to go back and see my doctor for another year and if I stay healthy hopefully I will never have any lung issues again.
Hemophilia and bleeds is something I am use to but lung problems are terrible I must say. Not being able to take  deep breath in and having a tight and sore chest is such a terrible feeling. 
I think staying happy and stress free is an important part of staying healthy and one thing I find that is good for relieveing stress is cooking.
Today I made a giant pot of soup. I like making soup because you can jut throw everything in a pot and it creates this delicious mix! Its also big and good for sharing incase you are lucky enough to have family or friends visit. 

Sunday, May 29, 2016

May ramblings

So, Ive started to go to the gym 3 times a week. Ive been doing it for the past 4 weeks and I must say I feel a lot better. To my dismay I haven't lost any weight but I must say I am feeling better and I am excited to see how long I can go without a bleed.
I know that the stronger and fitter I get the healthier I will be but it seems like ive been on a diet my whole life and ive always been unhappy with the way I look but if I can get the amount of bleeds Im having down that will take care of one of my worries!
Ive also started gardening which I love a lot. I can't do a lot of it as I find it hard crouching over and lifting soil and I can't say I am particularly good at it but it is fun.
In other news, I am going to see my lung specialist tomorrow for my 6 month check up. Last April I was diagnosed with Sarcoidosis so these appointments are to keep a eye on things. My last appointment showed that it was almost completely gone so I am praying tomorrows x ray shows the same thing.g
I hope everyone is having a great spring and hopefully I will continue to get stronger!

Thursday, May 26, 2016

April showers bring May flowers

So, I haven't written in a long time. I feel like I haven't done a much of anything lately.
My mom has gone in for her hip replacement and has been in the hospital for the last 5 weeks. When I am in pain or hurting I can complain and move on but when my family is hurting I find it paralyzing. I don't feel like talking or writing or socializing.
Ive started a part time job which I love so much. The people are great and it is a wonderful distraction.
Lately my mom has been feeling a lot better and I suspect she will get out of the hospital within the next 2 weeks.
I guess I need to let go and stop worrying about me just like she had to do with me when I grew up and moved away.
It is for sure easier said than done!
When I am not worrying about my momma I've been gardening and I must say it is such a lovely hobby. I highly recommend it.

Friday, April 1, 2016

April Fools Day!

So, I haven't blogged in a while but you haven't missed much. I had an ankle bleed two weeks ago but now I have almost completely recovered.
My ankle bleed was very nostalgic for me. When I was kid it felt like I was always having ankle bleeds. I can remember sleeping over at my aunts house and I would be in so much pain. She would heat up towels for me and put them on my ankle to try and relieve the pain.
Sometimes I would ask my sister to sit on my ankles and I found that relieved the pain a bit. An ankle bleed to me feels like pressure building and building. It is so painful and hard to walk on or move.
Now that its over Ive been walking at the dog park to get back on track and strengthen my muscles.
The other development is my mom is going for a hip replacement. I worry about her so much being so far away. I wish I could hop on a plane every time she needed me but the reality is a trip to Newfoundland would just exhaust me and then momma and I would both be in the hospital.
On another note Zane is very very sick with the flu so I am playing nurse. He is always so great to me when I am sick so I am trying to be a good nurse.
I am praying April is a happy and healthy month for me and all of my family!

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Rare Disease Day!

So yesterday was rare disease day which I just love because I love thinking of myself and unique and different and since there are only 150 cases of Factor 5 reported world wide I think that qualifies me as being unique!
I was reading an article yesterday about how its important to talk about the IMPACT these conditions have on people.
Hemophilia impacts every day of my life but as I get older I find myself reflecting on how it impacts the other people in my life.
Today when I called to thank my Nanny for a birthday card I realized how much my silly disease has impacted her.
I don't remember exactly what we were talking about but somehow we got on the topic of me worrying her with my illness.
She told me about the time I was in grade 7 and I called Nanny because I was in pain. She came over and I was too weak to walk so she called the ambulance to come and get me. My hemoglobin was around 50 and the people at the hospital were preparing to air lift me into St. John's. 
I was in and out of consciousness but I remember my nanny being right by my side. She was stood up smiling in the room with me in her royal blue coat. She admitted to me today that she couldn't let on how scared she was because she did't want to scare me.
All I can remember is her being there, the smell of her perfume, the comfort of her presence and I remember her taking my hand and saying, look Ryanne, you have a long long lifelong just like grandfather had and you are going to live a long life, don't worry.
I an't tell you how much that helped me when I was a kid.
When I would get into sticky situations I would look down and my hand and trace my lifeline and think of my darling Nanny.
Lately, my Nanny has had some health problems of her own and I worry about her so much. I wish I could comfort her the way she comforted me so many times over the years. Nanny if you are ever sick remember that you are amazing angel ad you deserve to me happy and healthy and I'm sure I inherited my long life line from you! 


Thursday, February 18, 2016

Why I hate Airports

So, my momma left last night to head back to Newfoundland. My sister and I took her to the airport and we were all doing so much crying people must of thought we were insane. 
I absolutely hate the airport. When I was a kid growing up in Newfoundland my dad would come for visits and we would always have a lot of fun. The airport was always the end of the line and when I was a kid it felt like I would never see him again.
When I was teenager my mom and I had to go to the airport to fly back and forth to St. John's so I could get treatment at the childrens hospital. I would cry and cry the whole flight. Now that I live in Alberta I get to see my Dad all the time but of course momma is still in Newfoundland so I cry to break my heart everytime she leaves. 
So, thats why I hate airports.
The few times Zane and I have been on vacation I'm still so stressed going to the airport for me its a terribly sad place.
I am counting down the days until I head back to see mom and do some more crying in the airport!