Mother's Day

So, Mother's Day was just a few days ago. I worked in the morning and then I spent the afternoon phoning all the mothers! My mom, Zane's mom, my step mom and Zane's step mom. We are blessed to have four wonderful mother figures in our lives.

As I've mentioned before my mother is the most important person to me in the whole world. I think a lot of people think that about their own mothers. But my mom managed to stay so cool calm and collected through all of my traumatic events. Even when i got a really bad cut on my head and ran up the driveway with blood spraying from my forehead. She made me feel like a normal person which I think is the best thing she could of done.

I sent her a beautiful card for mothers day and a gift certificate. I always wish there was more I could do for but she is also so appreciative of everything I give her.

Mother's Day is great but it always gets me thinking about myself and if I will ever have my own Mother's Day.

Ever since I was about 12 years old I dreamed of having children. i would ask for baby name books for Christmas and spent hours and hours with my friends talking about how we would would have 5 and 6 kids and what colour their hair and eyes would be!

I always knew that with severe factor 5 Hemophilia having children would be difficult. but its not something that I had to worry about until later. Well now it is later, I am engaged and at the age where I would like to soon have a child.

So I try and do some research. There is NO information on the Internet about what happens when I severe factor 5 hemophiliac has children.

So I question people in the Hemophilia world which isn't a whole lot of help either. There are only 150 cases of my condition reported world wide so I feel like there's no one that can say for sure what will happen.

Normal healthy women have miscarriages and complications during labour so this risk for me is immense.

The only guide line I really have is a lady who is about 65 years old and lives in the US. She told me that she tried and tried to have a baby but miscarried every time.

Also, my oldest sister is a symptomatic carrier of factor 5 which means her level of factor 5 are just a bit lower than a normal persons.

She has one son and had a lot of complications with him. So, with my levels at less than 1% it seems like it would be difficult.

I always thought about adoption but I've been looking into it and someone with a chronic life threatening illness is so exactly a prime candidate.

So with all that being said, I don't think I've actually accepted it. In my heart I feel like I was meant to be a mother and some how I will figure out a way to have a child. I can't really see myself doing anything else with my life.