Au revoir Paris

So, I finally let my fear take control of me and I decided to cancel Paris. I recently went to a conference in Montreal and between the flights and long days and travelling around with my luggage I got a bleed so that made me think that Paris was going to be much too hard on me.

The flight time is 22 hours and the conference would of been 4 days. Some people I've talked to agree with me some people think I'm crazy.

I think I am being very smart and responsible. You see when you have an illness like this well at least in my experience I've learned to not get too excited about things. It may seem sad in a way but it's all about self preservation. I've made plans for lots of things that I've had to give up on, careers, parties, my own sisters wedding.

As a child I would scream and cry until my face turned blue when my friends would go skating and I couldn't go but as an adult I've learned to accept it and move on.

Normally, I don't get too excited about things that's the trick. But this time, I did get myself excited about Paris, I didn't realize it until it was cancelled but I have a little Eiffel tower statue, a bag and several t shirts all purchased with the anticipation that I would be there some day.

I have the worst sinking feeling every time the word Paris is mentioned, part resentment, part acceptance, part sadness.

There will be lots of trips in my future or not, either way I'll curl up with Zane and Lily and be fine.