Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Carry On

So, the wedding induced stress dreams have begun! Last night I dreamt my wedding dress came in and it was too small and bright blue. I also dreamt my photographer cancelled at the last minute and the music at the church wouldn't work. Oh my, i'm trying to remain calm and work on the wedding bit by bit but it certainly isn't easy. I'm really struggling with getting back into things after my week in the hospital. First of all I find it hard because I know that there are so many people are are in the hospital who are very sick and suffering and some who will never leave.It's not easy to drop everything in your life for a week and I know it takes a toll on the people around me. I know it wasn't easy for Zane to work all day then come to the hospital all night. I know it wasn't easy for my Dad to watch me cry in pain for hours. There is certainly a lot of guilt I think that comes with having a chronic illness. I feel guilty all the time for the things I have had to put my family and friends through.
 I also find it hard because I know its only a matter of time before I am back there again. Maybe I am just a little bit sad tonight because it is Charlie's birthday. It would of been his 63rd birthday today.
Charlie has been gone for three years now and I still miss him everyday. I hope when I pass away, along time from now I have even one person who misses me as much as I miss him. Life is short and although it might not always be easy we have to do the best we can each day!

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