Carry On

So, the wedding induced stress dreams have begun! Last night I dreamt my wedding dress came in and it was too small and bright blue. I also dreamt my photographer cancelled at the last minute and the music at the church wouldn't work. Oh my, i'm trying to remain calm and work on the wedding bit by bit but it certainly isn't easy. I'm really struggling with getting back into things after my week in the hospital. First of all I find it hard because I know that there are so many people are are in the hospital who are very sick and suffering and some who will never leave.It's not easy to drop everything in your life for a week and I know it takes a toll on the people around me. I know it wasn't easy for Zane to work all day then come to the hospital all night. I know it wasn't easy for my Dad to watch me cry in pain for hours. There is certainly a lot of guilt I think that comes with having a chronic illness. I feel guilty all the time for the things I have had to put my family and friends through.
 I also find it hard because I know its only a matter of time before I am back there again. Maybe I am just a little bit sad tonight because it is Charlie's birthday. It would of been his 63rd birthday today.
Charlie has been gone for three years now and I still miss him everyday. I hope when I pass away, along time from now I have even one person who misses me as much as I miss him. Life is short and although it might not always be easy we have to do the best we can each day!
 

The Centre for Blood Research

So, here is the finished product of an interview I did for the Centre for Blood Research.
I like to tell my story with the hopes that it will help other people or maybe make people feel better about what they are going through.

If you get a chance you can check out the article here:
http://cbr.ubc.ca/2013/01/04/hemophilia-is-for-girls-ryanne-tells-her-story/

Thanks for reading!

 

In sickness and in health

So, Friday night I woke up at 3 am in so much pain I couldn't stand it. I woke Zane up and early Saturday morning we ventured into the hospital.
I must of looked awful because my the time Zane parked the car the triage nurse whisked me into a room and I began a 10 hour torture process.
I met the Emergency room doctor and she didn't seem overly concerned about the state i was in. After an IV was started I was given morphine for pain and maxeran for nausea. Anyways, to make a long story short the emergency room Doctor decided she would send me home. What in the world she was thinking I will never know. I panicked, I called the hematologist on call (which I had already done before) and pleaded with him. He said he agreed to send me home as well. I felt awful, I didn't know what to do I felt helpless. I won't go into detail about the next part but basically my darling Dr. Poon from the Hemophilia clinic swooped in and saved me.
Eventually Zane was exhausted and Dad came in to take a turn at the circus that was the emergency room.
For about 6 hours I was in a loop of taking a shot of morphine, getting up to go to the bathroom then vomiting violently for about 5 minutes.
A different Doctor eventually wandered over and asked how I was doing, I figured by the moans and groans he would know I wasn't doing well but I played along and answered the same questions I already did for the triage nurse, the emerge nurse, the emerg doctor and the hematologist on call. He eventually said What do you think it is? and I said well I'm not sure because I normally feel better after my blood transfusion. He looked puzzled and said, you know theres no actual pain killer in the blood transfusion right? I was so insulted and so confused as to why he would state something so obvious but I often find emergency room doctors to be cold, unsympathetic and condescending.
I would spent the next 5 days in the hospital getting an EKG, Blood Work, CT scan, two ultrasounds and 8 units of plasma.
To treat the pain we moved from Morphine to fenteyl to percocet and I am sad to say i am still finding myself in pain. It's 3:00 am and I find myself unable to sleep.
I can't stop thinking about the whole ordeal. I am praying that I am in recovery mode and I will start to feel better so I can get back to my life. Only time will tell I suppose.