I have tried in my way to be free

So, when I get stressed out I either blog alot, or not at all. And I haven't been able to bring myself to write for a while now. Ive just had so much on my mind. I worry about my mom, I had an ankle bleed and I had a nose bleed on an off for 7 days. Not much fun at all. But I am getting the house ready for Christmas and Christmas always makes me happy and hopeful.

It's a good life if you don't weaken

So, Zane and I went to see the last hurrah for the Tragically Hip. It was an awesome night, 20,000 people packed into the Saddledome bobbing along as Gord Downie sang his swan song.
I was so happy to be a part of the whole thing as The Tragically Hip seems to have been playing in the background my whole life. I first heard of the hip when I was 9 years old. My older sister and I were visiting my father in Edmonton and had lined up tickets for us to all go to the show. It must of been the long flight from Newfoundland or all the shopping around but I ended up with a bleed and spent the night of the show in the emergency room getting a blood transfusion. My sister Kelli said it was the best show she ever saw and came home with a t shirt. I was jealous of course but I got my chance to see them when I was in Grade 11 when they toured Music @ Work. It was the first rock show I ever really saw and they were one of the few big acts to come to our little tiny part of the world.
My third year university they came to Cape Breton, Nova Scotia and I got to see them again. I've seen them through many different stages of my life and it was so nice to see them again tonight with my husband for our third year wedding anniversary.
Of course, we were shocked and saddened when we heard this would be their last tour and that Gord was sick with cancer.
We were shocked and saddened when Zane's Mom passed away this time last year also of cancer.
 I don't think you could throw a rock without finding someone affected by this terrible disease. I wish there was something we could do.
If only clapping hands and waiving lighters could cure cancer.

Newfoundland Adventures

So, Zane and I just got back from 10 days in Newfoundland. It was quite the world wind tour, we went to a stag and doe, stood in a wedding, visited my mom in the hospital, took her home on a two day pass, visited with family and friends and did a bit of shopping. 

My heart is always broken when I come back from Newfoundland. I cry all the way to Toronto every time and even have a cry or two a few days before we are set to leave.

This trip was especially hard because I am worried about my momma. She just got out of the hospital after spending three months there for a hip replacement. She worked so hard in physio and has been in a lot of pain over the past three months. It was so nice to see her recovering and return to her home. She is so happy being home with all her memories and her family and friends just minutes away. I do worry about her though being home and dealing with Parkinson's. My mom and I have spent our entire lives together worrying about each other. Me with my Hemophilia and now her with her Parkinson's disease. Just like she couldn't stop or control my bleeding I can't control her Parkinson's and its progression.

All I can do is help her when she asks and pray for her health and happiness. 

I do love living in Calgary I love the great health care and our home and dogs and family and friends but I think a little piece of me will always be in Stephenville, Newfoundland. 

Top of the world

So, today Ive been listening to Top of the World by Patty Griffin. Its my favorite song in the whole world. Its also a very sad song. I've been feeling really sad lately and tired. Ive had my period for 6 weeks, my moms been in the hospital for 9 weeks and theres been a few other ups and downs for me and my family. I'm getting a bit stressed worrying about everything and ive found myself putting the milk in the cupboard and the olive oil in the fridge and all kinds of silly little things that I do when I am stressed. I wish I could take everyones aches and pains away and I wish I could fix everything but I just can't and Ive realized that worrying about it doesn't help either. Ive been trying to distract myself and keep busy Ive been walking the dogs and going to the gym. On a side note, I wish I was one of those people that lost weight when they got stressed but alas I am not, I am the type that gains weight.

Anyways, Im trying to stress less and trying to just have faith that everything will work out in due time.

In a a way I guess I am lucky that I have all these wonderful friends and family members to worry about. I am blessed that I have so many people that I love and when they hurt I hurt. I hope they know no matter how far away I am or how long its been since ive seen them they are always in my thoughts and prayers.

I don't have a picture of my entire family but here is a picture of me and my Priddle family at our wedding in 2013. 

Breathing a sigh of relief

So, today I had my chest X Ray and Doctors appointment with my pulmonary specialist. My X Ray showed that there are no more signs of Sarcoidosis in my lungs and my lymph nodes are no longer swollen. I am so happy to get this news because one of the last things I needed was another weird disease. 

I don't need to go back and see my doctor for another year and if I stay healthy hopefully I will never have any lung issues again.

Hemophilia and bleeds is something I am use to but lung problems are terrible I must say. Not being able to take  deep breath in and having a tight and sore chest is such a terrible feeling. 

I think staying happy and stress free is an important part of staying healthy and one thing I find that is good for relieveing stress is cooking.

Today I made a giant pot of soup. I like making soup because you can jut throw everything in a pot and it creates this delicious mix! Its also big and good for sharing incase you are lucky enough to have family or friends visit. 

May ramblings

So, Ive started to go to the gym 3 times a week. Ive been doing it for the past 4 weeks and I must say I feel a lot better. To my dismay I haven't lost any weight but I must say I am feeling better and I am excited to see how long I can go without a bleed.
I know that the stronger and fitter I get the healthier I will be but it seems like ive been on a diet my whole life and ive always been unhappy with the way I look but if I can get the amount of bleeds Im having down that will take care of one of my worries!
Ive also started gardening which I love a lot. I can't do a lot of it as I find it hard crouching over and lifting soil and I can't say I am particularly good at it but it is fun.
In other news, I am going to see my lung specialist tomorrow for my 6 month check up. Last April I was diagnosed with Sarcoidosis so these appointments are to keep a eye on things. My last appointment showed that it was almost completely gone so I am praying tomorrows x ray shows the same thing.g
I hope everyone is having a great spring and hopefully I will continue to get stronger!

April showers bring May flowers

So, I haven't written in a long time. I feel like I haven't done a much of anything lately.
My mom has gone in for her hip replacement and has been in the hospital for the last 5 weeks. When I am in pain or hurting I can complain and move on but when my family is hurting I find it paralyzing. I don't feel like talking or writing or socializing.
Ive started a part time job which I love so much. The people are great and it is a wonderful distraction.
Lately my mom has been feeling a lot better and I suspect she will get out of the hospital within the next 2 weeks.
I guess I need to let go and stop worrying about me just like she had to do with me when I grew up and moved away.
It is for sure easier said than done!
When I am not worrying about my momma I've been gardening and I must say it is such a lovely hobby. I highly recommend it.