Independence

I woke up in the middle of the night last night throwing up. It might of been the morphine or the gravol or the robaxacet. Who knows.

I hate throwing up, it is one of the worst feelings I can think of. My dog lily got up with me and sat by the bathtub watching me. It's nice to have her company.

I am on painkillers because of a bleed I am having in my shoulder. I bleed can occur in a joint or a muscle. Blood pools in that area and irriates the muscles and nerves and causes pain.

It has been 10 months since I've had a blood transfusion (the longest i've ever went in my life) so I shouldn't complain. But being in pain isn't great either. The morphine makes me drowsy and if I don't take it the pain becomes unbearable so it's lose lose.

I am at my Dads house for the night. I am sleeping over because my fiance is out of town working and neither one of them really wants me home by myself when I am in pain like this.

I am so lucky that I have people who care about me and help take care of me, but at the same time I wish I was out doing the normal things a 26 year old would do, like work full time, or raise a family.

For the time being my doctor has recommened that I only work part time. It sounds great right? Its not, its fustrating to be working at a cofffee shop, to not be using my degree and to only have half my normal income.

I do enjoy sleeping in and I have been a lot healthier since the switch to part time work, but my confidence has taking a huge hit.

I guess at some point I may go back to full time we'll see how it goes.

Rather than feel sorry for myself I'm going to go torment my dad!