Well, my family emergency turned into devastation.
On July 19th my step father died due to complications after surgery for a major heart attack.
I guess you never know how you are going to react in those situations and since I've been through so much in my life already I thought I would take it better I guess.
But I didn't, for the first day I just kept saying no there must be a mistake. I would not accept that he had passed away. It was easier that way and it felt a lot better than dealing with the fact that he actually died.
When he first took his heart attack I flew to NL within 24 hours. I was with my mom and my step father Charlie for every step of the way. Every blood test, ct scan, x ray and ultrasound. Mom and I spend 5 weeks in the hospital. It was really hard on all of us and I eventually ended up in the hospital myself. I spent about 4 days in the hospital and received 26 units of blood. By this time Charlie had had his surgery and was recovery nicely.
They took him out of ICU and his breathing tubes and iv's were removed. The doctors wanted me to stay until Monday but I wanted to get back to Calgary to be examined by my doctor that I had become so comfortable with.
I went to see Charlie right before I left. He was up and out of bed but the scars from the surgery were so brutal.
I chatted with him for a minute then walked away and said bye I love you.
By the time I got to Toronto on Saturday he had collapsed. He passed away Monday morning.
It is so hard dealing with illness and death but there are a few things I feel like I will never get over. I will never forgive myself for going back to Calgary and I will never forgive myself for not saying a proper heart felt good bye to him. In the end I know he loved me and I know he knew that I really loved him too!
On July 19th my step father died due to complications after surgery for a major heart attack.
I guess you never know how you are going to react in those situations and since I've been through so much in my life already I thought I would take it better I guess.
But I didn't, for the first day I just kept saying no there must be a mistake. I would not accept that he had passed away. It was easier that way and it felt a lot better than dealing with the fact that he actually died.
When he first took his heart attack I flew to NL within 24 hours. I was with my mom and my step father Charlie for every step of the way. Every blood test, ct scan, x ray and ultrasound. Mom and I spend 5 weeks in the hospital. It was really hard on all of us and I eventually ended up in the hospital myself. I spent about 4 days in the hospital and received 26 units of blood. By this time Charlie had had his surgery and was recovery nicely.
They took him out of ICU and his breathing tubes and iv's were removed. The doctors wanted me to stay until Monday but I wanted to get back to Calgary to be examined by my doctor that I had become so comfortable with.
I went to see Charlie right before I left. He was up and out of bed but the scars from the surgery were so brutal.
I chatted with him for a minute then walked away and said bye I love you.
By the time I got to Toronto on Saturday he had collapsed. He passed away Monday morning.
It is so hard dealing with illness and death but there are a few things I feel like I will never get over. I will never forgive myself for going back to Calgary and I will never forgive myself for not saying a proper heart felt good bye to him. In the end I know he loved me and I know he knew that I really loved him too!
I'm sorry to read about your loss. May Charlie's memory be rich and sustaining.
ReplyDelete